Overcoming Hyper-Independence

Being an independent person is a beautiful thing. One moment, “Hey Alexa, play independent women by Destiny’s child”. This is a trait that I have always worn with pride. I would hold myself to such high regard because I could do any and everything on my own, a superwoman if you will. Invariably taking on everything that comes my way with little to no help.

Why you may ask? Well, “spoiler alert”, a series of constant letdowns and dismaying experiences led me to believe that I can only depend on myself.

To be candid, I was unaware of the term hyper-independence, or the idea that being too independent might be a cause for concern. In a nutshell, someone who is hyper-independent or ultra-independent may:

• Have difficulty asking for / receiving help

• Take on more than can be handled

• Have difficulty depending on others

For me, it’s a natural reflex now to do things with little to no help. I grew up in a home full of strong hard-working women who could do it all. Now, I hate to go down the dark alley of “dating horrors” but this is where I believe my behaviors initiated. My relationships were horribly one-sided, I found myself picking up the slack in more ways than one. Stemming from being let down to be filled with false narratives and overall carrying the weight of two individuals became exhausting. I came to realize that I was stronger and whole alone.

My hyper-independence is like a shield I have developed, not in my conscious awareness. I do not automatically assume an individual is set out to hurt me in any fashion. I do, however, put up this roadblock that can best be explained as: “Stop, I’ll take it from here, I’ve got it no worries, I do not need help”. Not only do I stop people in their tracks from helping me, but I do not reach out and ask for help either. I would rather collapse under the weight of life than reach out for help. Something that made me feel liberated was now weighing heavy on my mental health.

As of now I still have many hyper-independent traits, but now that I have identified how and where it is hurting me, I can take the necessary steps to overcome it. The goal is not to release the independence that has made me the strong woman I am today; it is to learn and understand that I do not have to do it all alone.

I have some of the most amazing people in my life, moreover, an abundance of support. Here are two things I have been doing:

• Allowing others to perform small tasks to assist me

• Remembering that asking for help does not make me weak

A healthy dependency exists and being able to confide in others is a good thing! So yes, I am still playing every independent woman’s anthem BUT, I know and understand that I am only human, not a machine.

Everyone needs help sometimes…and that is okay. ♡

Cherise Calloway is a boss babe making big moves. She is a Brooklyn girl born and raised. Cherise is almost done with her bachelor’s degree from Hunter College School of Education. She is a teacher candidate/child advocate. I just had to include her because she is one of my very close friends and is a true inspiration to myself and all women. I am extremely proud of her for all that she has accomplished so far and know that she is just getting started. Follow her personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_missceexoxo/ and she just started an Instagram documenting her unique food findings (WARNING: her posts will make you very hungry) so check her out on here as well: https://www.instagram.com/eats_with_cee/ 
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