I am pretty sure we have all heard of the phrases: “Love yourself” and “Self-love is key”, but what exactly does this mean? How do we apply this to our everyday lives?
The actual definition of self-love is that you have an appreciation, affinity, and positive regard for yourself. It is closely related to self-esteem and self-compassion. This might sound like a common practice or very easy to some people, but this isn’t always the case.
I am very thankful to have wonderful parents, family, and friends who truly love and care about me, no matter what, but to get to this place of peace in my life at 31 years old, it took a lot of work, realizations, growth, and healing.
My parents weren’t very open with me in talking about sex, healthy relationships, boundaries, and dating(no fault of their own) but they felt awkward openly discussing this with me. They grew up in a very different and simpler generation.
Everything I learned about dating and relationships came from what I would see on television, what was going on in the world around me, and what I thought was appropriate and acceptable behavior. Due to this and realizing I had a full lack of self-love and just wanted a partner, I sometimes settled for way less than I deserved. I found myself in some very toxic and unhealthy friendships and relationships.
It was not until wanting so much better for myself and cutting off so many negative and draining people, focusing on myself and my happiness, growing older, and getting myself in a better place all around, that I realized what unhealthy behaviors and people I allowed to stay in my life for way too long.
Healing from the guilt, shame, and negative experiences and people I have encountered has not been easy at all. It is an everyday struggle, especially while dealing with PMDD, anxiety, and depression.
You have to get to a point where you are tired of your shit and want to make a positive change in your life.
Through self-reflection, talking openly with friends and family, and working on healing through therapy for almost two years, I have discovered so much about myself and specific and undeniable patterns.
People tend to think that self-love is easy and we all should have it, but for people who have been through any type of trauma, bullying, childhood abuse, neglect, abandonment, etc., it is not as easy as it sounds. Self-love is a skill that you can develop along with self-confidence and self-trust, but it doesn’t happen overnight.
The healing process is NOT linear. Setbacks will happen! This is NORMAL!
Some simple ways that we can cultivate more self-love are through self-compassion, taking risks and not being afraid of failure, accepting our strengths and weaknesses, challenging ourselves, and one that has been huge for me: setting boundaries!
At the end of the day, we teach people how to treat, love, and respect us. It all begins from within. Granted, it is an ongoing process and you will encounter many bumps in the road.. but if you do the work, don’t give up on yourself, forgive your younger self and your past mistakes, with the intentions and actions of doing better and moving forward, self-love is achievable!
You can heal from your past trauma and this should NEVER define us as human beings!
If this resonated with you in any way or if you know anyone that can relate to this, please share and subscribe!! Thank you always for the support and love warriors xoxo